What I learned from my unplanned, extended summer vacation

Dear esteemed Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury. As a practicing unemployed person, I am here today, simply, to recount for my time.  And what I have learned from my unplanned, extended summer vacation … I trust the evidence will be useful, to other unemployed practitioners of the art of seeking career fulfillment. Or, for those within our PC community they might affectionately refer to us as, ‘career challenged’.

So, I shall present my evidence. (Play along, the mythical judge just nodded and went back to sleep. Government counsel just sneered at me … yikes. I better get with it.)

“I love biographies, stories about the seemingly magic lives of now ubiquitous famous people. Warning, I am not entering into evidence any stories about realty television stars. I am presenting historical accounts about real human beings, who really existed, made a difference to our culture and had real brain matter connected to their cerebral cortex. At summation, I’ll return to this minor evidentiary point with respect reality television stars, but first I need to provide interesting famous examples to prosecute my case.” I paused.

“Okay,  if it will please the jury, I will offer three examples into evidence, Albert Einstein, Mark Twain and Julia Child. These are three of my favorite people from history. I’ll come back to the why. I expect the jury will keep an open mind, review the evidence, before passing judgment.” I grin with a hint of irony.

“First, a quick point about, Mr. Albert Einstein, better known as, Mister Energy equals Mass times the Speed of Light/squared. What seems to be glossed over about Mr. Einstein, in 1900, he earned a teaching diploma from Zurich Polytechnic. 21 years old, full of knowledge, then for 2 long years he searched and applied for a teaching position. He found, Albert = zero. For the juries pleasure, can you imagine that job interview?”

            “Hi, my name is Albert Einstein, I’d like to teach physics here.”

The HR manager, unaware that a genius was across the table might have said.

            “Well, Mr. Einstein, I’m sure you’re bright.”

            “Ya, ya,” a confused Albert might have said.

            “But relative to your competition, in general, you don’t quite measure up, I’m sorry, not sure you’d add much to our physics department.”

            “But, but wait, I have all these world changing ideas to share, about how light bends, wormholes, and I think time is relative.”

            “Oh, really? Can you prove that?”

            “No, not yet, but I will,” Albert said. “I’m doing the math.”

            The HR manager likely just sat back in her wooden chair and smirked over at young Albert. She had other interviews that day with better known candidates.

            “Sorry, we’ve several other candidates with better grades, better looking and with stronger references, you’ll need to spend your time elsewhere …  I’m sure you do well at the Patent Office, I’m afraid our physics department might be too challenging for you.”

Ouch, even Einstein had a hard time getting a paying gig. “What’s that?”

 “Objection, your honor, unemployed counsel is using an Einstein that was, 21 years old. Hardly worth considering what my opponent has learned this past summer.”

Okay, good point, a great point, I thought. “I’ll move on, so, how about my second candidate, Mark Twain, or let the evidence show, his legal name, Samuel Langhorne Clemens.”  I coughed, acted resolute and confident. “Samuel grew up in Hannibal, Missouri, no relation to Foghorn Leghorn, his name was spelled, Langhorne. At the wise old age of 18, he sauntered off from home to be a printers apprentice in big cities, did I mention he was all alone, he was 18? To educate himself, he studied at night at the local libraries. He ends up back in Missouri, ended up working the Mississippi on steamboats, got to be a captain, where he discovered his pen name, Mark Twain, (look that up, interesting factoid). To make him great evidence, he got his first literary success, the short story, The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County, published in 1865, he was already in his early 30’s. And in those days the life expectancy was not quit 60.”

“Objection, who cares, your honor, relevance?”

“Over ruled, hey unemployed dude, get with it … I’m getting hungry.”

“If the court pleases, I’ll move to my next example.” (Our mythical judge nods yes, crosses his black robed arms and closes his eyes).

“Not satisfied? I guessed as much. Okay, my personal favorite, Julie Child. Why? Because I loved her fearless butterfly-chuckle, and I love to cook. I learned to cook as a single young man reading her step by step cook books. So, I can sum up Julia quickly. Her 734 page cook book, Mastering the Art of French Cooking, after being initially rejected, was finally published – in 1961. Her now famous PBS television show, The French Chef debuted, February 11, 1963, Julia was born August 15, 1912. Julia’s career, her world defining career, did not get started, until she was almost 50!”

(The jury was clearly impressed, the all gave me approving nods.)

“So, to my point about what is the common link between Einstein, Twain, Child and  reality television stars, and unemployment. Oh, and esteemed jury members, when I mention reality stars, I mean the ones that go on competitive reality television shows. Say what you like, I know some of you are smirking at about, now. But the common life thread, all these folks had and have, and I have, is the courage and audacity not to quit. It takes courage and audacity to be an ‘unknown singer’, and walk out in front of the Roman mob and prove you have talent.”  I smirked.

“I learned a few things from my unplanned, extended summer vacation. Create a routine, get up and go to bed at the same time. Work at staying physically, emotionally, and spiritually fit. Keep a flexible attitude, some days are better than others. And my last two concluding points before you pass judgment, do not quit. Life is for competing, my mother in law always told my wife, “Life is not fair.” And so it is not, but that is not an excuse to quit trying, just ask Albert, Mark and Julia. My final piece of evidence, that I think goes to the heart of our unemployed cause, remember to make yourself, SMILE. I recommend a paper note on your bathroom mirror. You will just have to trust me on this one, but smiles are magic, SMILE. In closing, I admit, I am guilty of trying. And never giving up.”